


Destiel - Are You My Mommy?

by PanHan



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-30
Updated: 2014-09-30
Packaged: 2018-02-16 22:27:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2286705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PanHan/pseuds/PanHan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel finds out what Dean would like, so he goes away, in attempt to get what it is to please him, yet Cas makes a mistake, and things go horribly wrong for Dean...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Take Me Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel finds a familiar face but who is it...?

Castiel wasn't sure where, or when he was going. All he knew was that he had to travel away, travel across the rainbow, as he wanted to please Dean, please his lover.

He wasn't sure how it actually happened.

 

Cas had watched over Dean, from the millisecond he was born, until now. He had heard that Dean Winchester was going to be an important man in this world, that he had a part to play in it, that he must follow his destiny. When Cas first got sight him from up above, in heaven, he knew that Dean was special, he was exquisite.

He watched Dean grow up, all through his years, all the truths, all the lies that were told, all the lies untold. Castiel watched him evolve into a man, and from this point, he had fallen in love with humanity, but most importantly, Dean.

Castiel gripped his hand tightly, and raised him from Perdition, as Dean was not complete, he hadn't fulfilled his life. Dean had not deserved such punishment at a young age. Cas never wanted anything in return, hadn't expected anything. All he wanted was to protect Dean.

It all changed when Dean had summoned Castiel, the one who had raised him. The immediate second that he caught sign of Dean, he could see clearly in his eyes, the love, the confusion, the dismay and even the hatred. But yet, Cas was patient, for he is an angel of the lord. Dean was not ready to confess to anyone, even himself about what he felt at that time, for Dean had just suffered so much and for so long.

But the time came, just a few years later, the day that Dean confessed.

 

Castiel was attempting to get the tablet off of Dean, claiming he'd take it directly to heaven. But Dean had suspected Cas wasn't his usual self, and so wouldn't let him take the tablet. Dean had gripped it so tightly, that, Cas, who was under the power of Naomi, had began to beat him up.

"CAS! Please, this isnt you, Cas," Dean whimpered as Cas sliced across the side of his face, sending a gush of blood oozing out.

"Hand me the tablet, Dean" Cas spoke harshly, indeed fed up of his shit.

Dean did not reply, he just continued to sob, on all fours, forcing Cas to reach for his angel blade.

"Please, Cas,  _I need you_." The words came out weaker than Dean intended.

Cas had swung the blade up, he would get the tablet, for Naomi, whatever the cost.

"Cas! Please!" Dean breathed out, then looked directly into Castiel's deep blue eyes, "I need you, so, _so_  bad, Cas. I know you're in there, come back, _for me_ ," Dean's voice had cracked and he didn't dare himself to speak.

Castiel had stared back into Dean's eyes, searching for something, some kind of hope. A look of horror had spread across both their faces.

All of a sudden, Cas jerked his head around and stared at the angel blade he was holding. With a sigh, he chucked it behind him and pulled Dean into an embrace, after healing the mess he had made.

"Cas, oh my god, Cas!" Dean weakly squealed with delight.

"Dean, please do not speak of my father lik-" He was then broken off by Dean, and the words he needed to hear.

"Oh my god, Cas. I couldn't- I didn't know-" Dean squeezed Cas tighter and whispered into his ear, "I love you so much, Cas. I've been running from it this entire time, yet now I am  _certain_."

 

Cas had reached 1972, in Lawrence, Kansas, when he was sure of someone who was a perfect vessel, someone who would agree to it, just for a little while. Her name was perfect too, it would give him and Dean the same surname, as if they were married.

Castiel strode across the town, looking for the right house, with the perfect girl. the one who would, with her, make Cas be able to please Dean and what he had wanted for a little while, which, would be much better in a woman's vessel.

Dean had wanted a  **blowjob**.

 

Castiel stared at the woman he had tied up to the chair, and then around the dark basement he was in. Cas hadn't taken much notice of the room he had stepped into, until now. It was damp, with water dripping from the ceiling. The droplets on the floor echoed through the basement. The walls and floors were a dark shade of grey. The floor was made up of stone tiles, which were slippery as of the water.

"I have seen a lot of shit in my life to know that what you say, about being an angel of the lord is true, but I can't get my head around why you need to use me to do godknowswhat."

Castiel ushered himself forward to the lady, and put a smooth finger to her lips, "Let me tell you, first of all, DO **_NOT_** SPEAK OF MY FATHER LIKE THAT!" Castiel yelled, and the woman squeaked, in fear. Not of him, just of the way he snapped.

"Now," he continued,"I need permission to enter your body. I may ask," Cas narrowed his eyes and bent down to her face, "Do you give me permission?"

Cas needn't have waited for an answer.

 

Jimmy Novak fell to the ground, clearly not going to wake up for a while. It was strange seeing his old vessel in front of him. It felt like it belonged to him, it didn't feel natural at all in a new vessel. Cas wasn't even sure how long he had used Jimmy as a vessel, yet it was okay as Jimmy agreed to it, for his family. 

There was a dusty, mahogany desk nearby, it looked like it had been down there for years, left to rot. Castiel tutted at nothing in particular. Surely, something of such value wouldn't be left down here for no reason? 

Cas' eyes scanned the desk, and fell upon exactly what he needed. A small sheet of paper with a pen beside it. She scribbled a short note to Jimmy on it, **I will not** **be long. My apologies for leaving you. You will not be able to leave this room, therefore I have left refreshments. -Castiel.**

She popped the note in Jimmy's pocket, reached for the phone that Dean had supplied him with, and left, making sure to lock the room.

 

Castiel rubbed her hands down her sides, feeling the curve of the body. It was strange, something she probably couldn't get used to. Luckily for Cas, she won't be in this vessel for too long, unless that is what Dean truly desires.

She figured that she would walk around for a while, making sure that she was comfortable like this, all the small details made such a big difference. Cas felt her hands smoothing over her breasts, amazed at the difference than her old vessel, Jimmy Novak. She had always wondered what it felt like, to be a girl. She didn't think that she had ever inhabited a woman  before. Her hands glided over the rest of her body, taking in it all, as to not underestimate anything.

Cas found herself in many shops, searching for something else to please Dean, to make herself look even more beautiful than she currently did. Her eyes flickered to the eye makeup sections, until she finally gave in, not before rummaging through the pockets of the black jacket her vessel was wearing, luckily to find some cash. 

"Hello," she peered at the cashier's name tag, "Marv." He looked somehow familiar to Cas- she just couldn't quite put her finger on it. He was a short, middle-aged man with black hair, pushed back and revealing his forehead which was lined. But in this new vessel change, Castiel was not completely with it, so she assumed it was her mind just playing tricks.

Marv looked at her as if she had lost all sense of humanity. When does anyone ever call a cashier by their name in these times?

Hesitantly, the cashier took the cash that Cas was shyly holding, wondering if she was meant to do that. "Thanks..." the cashier muttered before placing the money into the till.

Cas winked and sashayed out of the shop, not looking back.

 

Cas turned around as she heard the faint sound of footsteps dragging along towards her. She had walked well out of the city, to a field, just for some quiet time to think before returning to Dean's needs. Convinced that there was no one there, she turned back and continued walking through the long grass surrounding her knees. This has not been cut in years, she thought while she bent down to pick a dandelion. Cas brought it up to her eyes, examining all the seeds carefully, and then twirling herself around in a circle, she pressed her lips in a pout, close to the dandelion, and blew gently, causing the seeds to scatter all over the ground. She grinned to herself, watching the remaining seeds fall. She has always had something for nature, it's just so... humanly beautiful.

The sun was beaming down on the field, causing Cas to feel warmer, so she removed her cardigan and threw it a few meters.

She sat down, flattening the grass underneath her, fiddling with two pieces of grass and thinking about nature, but she then twisted herself around to the rustle of bushes behind her. Curious, she stood up and wandered over to the bushes, peering between a gap. There was a squirrel dashing through to the other side, so she bent her knees, and was at a closer level to the scrounging squirrel. She reached out a hand to the delicate animal when she felt something creep up behind her, but she was not quick enough to repel whatever it was that was behind her, so she was knocked over, the world unclear. 

A dark shadow loomed over her, and she squinted to look at the face.

Somehow, the face clicked in her mind, and she recognized it at once, unlike in the shop.

 **Metatron**.

An evil grin was stretched across his face as he pulled something out of his sleeve. The one thing that Cas dreamed of never having to be cut open with ever again.

The angel blade.

Cas scrambled backwards, on her hands and knees, her hands behind her and legs in front. 

Not now, Not today.

Cas felt scratches on her back, and peered around, keeping one eye on Metatron at all times. She had felt the scratches of a thorn bush. They didn't affect her much, yet she was inclined to stop, her knees felt weak and she had vulnerable written across her forehead.

Metatron drew nearer, second by second, until he was leaning over Cas, who was sobbing at his knees.

"Poor little Cassy, thought I wouldn't recognise you. I'm sorry for this, no, actually, I am not. Say buh-bye to your cute little grace."

As Metatron was bringing the angel blade down, she thrust her hands at his wrists, gripping tightly. "Please. Take my grace but take me back to 2013. I will never bother you." She begged. Metatron considered this for a moment, then tried to break free of her grasp, but she was too strong.

"Fine. Just get the fuck off me." He grunted.

"Take me back." She pleaded.

 

They were back in 2013, Cas still holding her grasp on Metatron. 

"Buh-bye!" Metatron laughed as he sliced Castiel's chest open a little, the white-blue light seeping out, into Metatron's jar.

Cas' grip on Metatron loosened as she slumped back into a tree, unconcious. 

 


	2. Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel needs to find her way to Dean...

Castiel opens her eyes, to find something vibrating against her back. It causes a tickly sensation down her spine, and so she lets it buzz, giggling at how excited it makes her feel, and closing her eyes gently as she wishes she was on a massaging chair. Falling against the tree in an awkward position had made her back stiff, and in need of some feeling. 

The vibrations pulled her deeper into her thoughts, forgetting about the meaning of life, and everything around her. Nothing else mattered but-

Whatever it was had stopped vibrating. 

Cas reached her hands behind her, and slipped them underneath her back, searching for the cause of the vibrations, secretly hoping they would start again. 

Her hand had hit something solid, a rectangular shape. As she stared at the dark night sky, with the moon shining brightly above, she realised exactly what it was, without her having to look at the item.

It was her phone. Luckily she had remembered to pick it up before she left the basement.

Dean must have gotten worried.

 _Shit_ , she whispered to herself, grabbing hold of the phone, and pulling it out.

Cas seductively flipped the phone open and held it to her ears, listening carefully to the voicemail that Dean had left her, while twirling the ends of her silky blonde hair.

**Cas, where are you? You've been gone for a few days. I miss you, buddy. Call me.**

Cas tossed the phone aside and laid down for a while, drifting off to sleep, she'd call Dean back later.

Had she really been gone for days? No wonder she felt exhausted.

 

Castiel turned over in her deep sleep, her head hitting something hard. She grunted, and fumbled around for what her head had hit. Her fingers felt the roughness of the surface as she shifted her head, whacking the tree again, causing her head to ache.

Instinctively, she pressed two fingers to her forehead, hoping to heal herself, but the memories came flooding back to her, and she sighed, realising that she had no grace, she was one of those dreaded humans again.

 _Thanks for the memories_... she sung to herself, sarcastically.

She opened her eyes, but had to blink many times before the world swam into focus. It was still dark, and there was no sign of life within viewing range. She still lay in the field. 

As she sat up, a lock of hair fell into her face. She hesitantly tucked it back behind her ears, darting her eyes around for any sign of her phone. It happened to be a few feet away from her, so she reached her arm across, reluctant to stand up, so she didn't. 

She flipped open her phone and the time appeared on the screen, standing out like a neon yellow sticker on a dull black book. 

**3:12am**

_Would Dean appreciate me phoning at this time to tell him that I am safe, or would he snap my neck in half for phoning him at this time, and running off like that a few days ago?_

_Would Dean rather hear from me than have nightmares about me and what could have happened or would he act like shit towards me because of how afraid he was?_

_Would Dean love me or leave me?_

_Would Dean understand that I did this to please him or would he think I did it for myself?_

_Would Dean appreciate all the trouble I walked straight into, just for him or would he hate me for it?_

These particular questiones spun around in Castiel's head for a mere five minutes, sucking him into depths of his mind that he always tried to avoid at all costs.

She found herself scrolling towards Dean's number, ready to dial it. 

Cas stood up, bracing herself for the inevitable.

 

 

 

_Dean was running. Running faster than he had ever done before. Faster than sound, faster than light. He had to be there for Cas, had to save him from the torture he was facing head-on. He swished past the people, jumped up and over the cars, legs weakening with each pace. He wouldn't give into the aches and pains, for they were the only obstacle he was facing. He wouldn't let his legs slow him down, slow him down from getting to his lover._

_As he sprinted nearer to the place where he had to rescue Cas, his breaths became sharper and his head was spinning. He couldn't stop, he wouldn't stop. He was almost there- Nothing could stop him now._

_Dean collapsed to his knees, the world going darker around him, his head was all over the place._

_He allowed himself a minute before looking up._

_Dean gulped at the sight in front of him. He was too late._

_Castiel's eyes had rolled back into his head, and his whole body was limp, lifeless._

_Dean covered his mouth with his hand, biting it and screaming into his palm._

_There was blood still trickling from his lover's mouth, fresh blood oozing from a deep cut under his eyes. More blood stained his hairline._

_Dean gagged at the sight of all this, continuing to look down the body._

_Many of his fingers had been chopped off and scattered all over the floor._

_But Dean could not concentrate, for a buzz was ringing through his head._

 

 

Dean's eyes opened, and his forehead was dripping with sweat.

He sat bolt upright, realising that he had not dreamed the buzz, for his phone was vibrating on the small desk on the left side of his bed.

He glanced at the clock, focusing his eyes so that he could read it clearly. 

**3:22am.**

He grunted, who the fuck, would ever call around this time...  _well..._ except himself. But then again, he was himself and you can't phone yourself like that.

He reached out for the phone, and answered it, letting out a rusty , **" _What._ "**

**"Dean? Have I phoned the correct mortal?"**

Dean rubbed his eyes with his free hand,  **"Gee, thanks Cas. I appreciate it."**

**"You are welcome."**

**"I didn't- I was- nevermind."** Dean swung his legs to the side of the bed, perching off the edge,  **"What the hell has happened to your voice?"**

**"My apologies, but it is more of a- a heaven thing."**

Dean rolled his eyes, but then became aware that Cas couldn't see through a phone.  **"Son of a bitch. What happened?"**

**"Look, Dean. I do not have time to explain."**

**"Me neither, Cas. It's 3am, in case you hadn't noticed."**

**"I am inclined to correct you. It seems as though it is 24 minutes past the hour. I like to keep track of the time, it persists to keep me entertained."**

Dean let a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding. He looked down at his feet for a moment.  **"Why did you call, Cas? Where have you been?"**

**"That, you will percieve soon enough. I will need you to let me touch it."**

Dean leant back, straightening his back,  **"Touch it?"**

 **"Touch it."** Cas replied, certain that it would please Dean.

Dean battered his eyes in confusion,  **"Touch it?"**

 

  **" _Dean_." _  
_**

This broke through to Dean, he snapped straight back into reality.

**"Cas?"**

**"Yes?"**

Dean smirked,  **"Why so serious?"**

 **"I don't understand that reference."** The voice came through to Dean's phone, cold, and fed up.

He sighed and replied,  **"Where are you, man?"**

**"Lawrence, Kansas."**

**"Well, do your 'magical' zappy thing and come here."** _  
_

There was a pause.

**"I am afraid I cannot, Dean."**

**"What, have your magical powers gone?"** Dean imitated Cas.

**"This is not funny, Dean. How do I travel to you?"**

Dean breathed out a  _fuck._ **"Cab. Get a cab."** Dean's eyes travelled to the fake credit card by the clock.  **"You got money?"**

**"Yes."**

**"Our bunker is in Lebanon, get here ASAP."**

**"Dean, I told you, I cannot zap myself anywhere."**

Dean smirked,  **"ASAP, meaning As soon as possible."**

**"Sorry, I did not understand that abbreviation."**

**"Guess I'll see you in about four hours. Love you."**

**"I feel affection too."**

Dean ended the call, smiled to himself as he carefully placed his phone back where it was. 

His head hit the pillow, to return to the darkness within his mind, but that never came, his mind was too full of questions about Cas, and what had happened so that he no longer contained his grace.

 

 

 

Castiel continued to stroll in the same direction she'd been walking in for around forty five minutes, she would not give up, there had to be a road somewhere around here.

Her eyes had adjusted to the dark, she could make out the finer details of the nature around her. 

The grass was much shorter than she had seen it earlier, in 1972. It looked as though it had been cut recently. Not that it mattered, of course, but it kept Castiel's mind off of the extreme pains she felt in her feet right at that very moment.

Through the trees, a white light shone. Cas decided that it was just the moon. Castiel had lost hope, for everything. Sometimes she wished she would just give up, she was practically locked out of heaven, her only reason to stay was for Dean, and Sam. Primarily Dean, as herself and Dean share more of a profound bond, love.

But it then occurred to Cas that the moon was directly above her, so it could not physically be behind the tree.

Cas darted around the tree, to find a street lamp, and a path, which led both left and right. 

Castiel immediately turned left, as she learnt from Sam that turning right could lead to the end of the world. She did not understand that reference at the time, and so Sam forced her to sit and watch an episode of Doctor Who with him. 

Cas had thoroughly enjoyed it, taking in everything. It had helped her in many life-threatening choices, because she believed in the word of Sam, she believed in the word of his lover's brother.

 

She had reached a road somewhere, wandering for a while, searching thoroughly for a sign to give her some indication of what road she was on.

**Interstate 70.**

A Burger King sign flashed nearby, and a business center opposite.

That was all the information she needed to give a cab driver, right?

She flipped open her phone and dialled a number for a cab, while wandering over to Burger King to settle her cravings.

 

She slammed the taxi door shut, after making sure she still had her phone in her hand.

"I inhabit a bunker in Lebanon." She looked across to the driver, who had a fixed concerned expression on his face. 

Cas made sure that she did not recognise him at all, for she did not want to have a repeat of what had happened with Metatron before. 

"Sure, whatever. You'll have to help with directions to the bunker, as I'm assuming you don't know the number?" The driver turned the key, to start up the engine.

"It does not belong to a number." Cas dug into her pocket and tossed a $20 to the driver.

"Keep the change," Cas smirked, checking the time on the clock in the car.

**4:35am**

Cas proceeded to look out of the window as the driver drove off.

There was silence, and Cas began to shift awkwardly, "This silence is uncomfortable."

The driver did not speak another word.

 

The sun was shining brightly through the window, rays hitting Sam's face, causing him to roll over, grumbling something about hatred.

It was clear that Sam was pretty much awake by this point, and there was no chance of him falling back asleep. He was usually a morning person, but he was awake in the early hours of the morning, comforting Dean who had given in to his worry, Cas had gone away and not been home in a few days, and it reminded Dean of his father, and what had happened to him. He wasn't always particularly close to John, but he had felt all the sorrow, the overwhelming grief.

As Sam seductively rolled off the bed, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. His hair was all over the place, pointing in different directions. But as per usual, he just flipped his hair and smoothed it down a little, and it was perfect.

Sam made his way over to the kitchen, to make himself a coffee.

As he was pouring it into his cup, a deafening smash came from directly behind him. He had not before noticed Dean pacing in the room, beer in one hand, and biting his nails on his other hand. Dean had never bitten his nails before, that Sam could recall. 

The smash of the beer bottle made Sam knock over his cup, jumping back quickly, his lengthy legs the only thing carrying his body away in time, as to avoid any burns.

" _SHIT._ " Sam and Dean both yelled simultaneously.

They glared into each others eyes for a few seconds, Sam producing his best bitch face. Dean proceeded to roll his eyes and dash out of the room, tears threatening to spill, hoping Sam wouldn't pick up on it. But Sam was clever, almost too clever not to notice. 

Dean had become extremely emotional and attached to everything since Castiel left. When Dean had accidentally stepped on a snail, he looked up into Sam's eyes, his mouth quivering and a few tears had rolled down his face. There was another time, yesterday, when Dean's eyes grew huge and he started trembling, and his mouth was open in a circle because he had dropped his bacon cheeseburger onto the floor. He wouldn't stop looking down at the burger, then up at Sam repeatedly until Sam dragged him away. 

But the one thing that made Sam concerned the most was a couple of days ago, when Dean began crying when they were watching  _Game of Thrones_ and Joffrey had died, although, Sam could recall Dean calling him a dick. He believed that Dean was the only one to shed any tears at his death. Sam had to rock him for a little while before he fell asleep in Sam's arms, snoring quietly.

Sam began clearing up the beer and glass that had spread across the floor, careful not to step on any glass, but not after mopping up the spilt coffee. 

As Sam was finishing clearing up the mess both he and Dean had made, Dean reentered the room, continuing to pace, a frown spread across his face, in deep thought.

Sam knew he should comfort Dean, tell him that Cas was okay, but he didn't know for certain, and his words would have no meaning to Dean, who would just yell that he didn't know anything, and he should just shut the hell up and leave.

Sam watched Dean's every single step, pondering about whether to try and speak, because if Dean was going to pace all day, well, Sam wouldn't allow that.

Dean's face momentarily twisted into a smile, and he stopped pacing. Sam raised an eyebrow, expecting something. Dean lifted a finger and opened his mouth to say something, but then hesitantly shut it again and continued pacing, putting that finger to his lips, his lips forming a straight line.

"Dean." Sam took a step towards Dean.

"No." Dean replied, narrowing his eyes as he continued to pace.

Sam took this as his cue to leave, so he picked up his laptop and headed out the room, suddenly desperate to pee.

Dean sat down, his legs wearing out. He had been walking around for a few hours now, for it was 9am, and he had been awake ever since Cas called him. 

Dean's mind was still buzzing with questions about Cas. He had tried to clear his head of all thoughts many times, but the questions came whizzing back to him like boomerangs waiting to be thrown again, thrown at Cas, the questions that must be answered by the love of his life.

Dean's eyes flicked over to the fridge, but he removed his gaze and continued to stare at his hands. But, along with every single question, beer was on his mind.

His eyes again moved to the fridge, he looked away, just to look again barely a second later. Dean blinked many times, and began to make his way over to the fridge.

Dean had to steady himself on the side of the couch for a minute, he had stood up too fast, and the edges of his vision were wearing out, turning to black and the dizziness overwhelmed him.

He finally was able to continue walking, feeling like he was before.

Dean swung open the door of the fridge, causing a large bang, but he did not care. He needed to drown his worries in alcohol, like he always did. He grabbed a beer and slammed the fridge door shut with his free hand. This triggered the fridge to rattle for a couple of seconds, before stopping.

Dean strolled back over to the couch, but was interrupted by a large bang, like someone trying to knock down the door.

" _FUCK, AGAIN?_ " Dean yelled in fright as his beer bottle tumbled to the floor for the second time today.

It was surprising that the beer bottle he had smashed was more important to him than whoever was trying to break in. 

Of course Dean knew that this bunker could not be broken into, and whoever this was, was clearly not aware of it.

But somehow, while Dean knelt down to pick up the shattered glass pieces, the window had smashed and a girl, somehow familiar came rolling in.

Dean and the girl simultaneously stood up, glaring at each other.

The girl looked young, maybe in her late teens or early twenties?

She stepped forward, blonde hair flowing down her sides, and she used a hand to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. She was wearing a red vest top, and black jeans.

Dean narrowed his eyes, searching his brain for who it was.

 

 

 

Cas stood there staring at Dean, trying to put a finger at what he was currently thinking.

_Confusion?_

_Hope?_

_Anger?_

_Loneliness?_

 

 

 

Dean had worked it out, although it made no sense whatsoever, because how could she be here... 

_How could she be alive?_

Dean tried to speak but no words came out. 

He placed a hand on the table beside him, blinking many times and clearing his throat.

"Mom?"

 


	3. ...Mom?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas doesn't tell Dean anything, things start to get disturbing.

Cas, however, did not hear these words. She was too busy scanning Dean's body. His face was pale, and he had bags under his eyes, as though he had not slept. His position was tense, yet lacking in stability.

 

Dean swallowed hard, a lump forming in the back of his throat. She looked much younger than he had ever seen her. Almost too young. 

_Could she be a ghost?_

Dean stepped back, unsure of what to do. The salt was in the kitchen, directly to his left, he could surely get there before her.

He moved his left eye, keeping his right fixated on his mom, who was staring directly into his eyes, making him extremely uncomfortable. 

Dean stretched out his arm, readying himself to grab it.

Mary tilted her head and narrowed her eyes at Dean.

Just a few steps, just a few steps and he could touch the can of salt. 

His fingers elongated as he dived towards the salt, his fingers curling around it, ready to throw.

Mary just stood, still staring. It was unusual behaviour for a ghost, usually he would have been ambushed immediately, tossed around as the ghost ripped him apart, or what was left to take away, because you can't torture someone who has nothing left for you to take away, right?

_3_

Dean breathed in deeply.

_2_

He brought his arm up beside the back of his head.

_1_

He steadied his arm, and adjusted his aiming position a little.

_0_

His grip tightened, his arm swinging by his head, and then releasing when in line with Mary, the object gliding through the air towards her.

 

Cas stared down at where the can had hit her, the salt spewing everywhere. She shrugged his shoulders and shot a nervous glare at Dean who yelled 'SON OF A FUCKING BITCH!' with gritted teeth, while slapping his thigh. Dean inhaled, closing his eyes, and stroking his chin once, his fingers proceeding to glide down his neck, his head tilting upwards. As he brought his head down, his eyes snapped open and he exhaled.

Castiel began to think which way was the best to do this:

_Casually mention it's Cas and sashay towards Dean, ready to rip his clothes off._

_Explain what happened, while removing her clothes, piece by piece._

_Not mention it's Cas, just go straight into it and leave Dean wondering, then just mention it when he looks so vulnerable and dazzled._

_Or stroll towards Dean, surrendering to all forms of demon removing methods, to prove he's no demon, while demanding it's Cas and whether Dean would still like the blowjob._

 

Cas pondered about this for a few minutes, her fingers twiddling together, while Dean folded his arms, awaiting an explanation as to who she was.

She eventually reached a conclusion, while Dean was staring down at his feet.

 

Dean was still waiting for an answer, he would not stand this much longer. If whatever it was did not look like his long dead mother, he would have stabbed her ages ago, but he needed to build the courage to do so here. His eyes flickered to the gun in his pocket, hoping he wouldn't have to do this himself, he would not see his own mother die twice, once because of him.

Dean, who had seen enough shit, had enough done to him, didn't need this. 

40 years in hell,  _40 years._

No matter how hard, how much he pressured himself into forgetting, he couldn't do it. All those souls tortured, all those people destroyed, every second came bouncing back to him, inflicting pain upon himself.

Dean, who's job has always been to protect his little brother, protect his Sammy. But multiple times he has failed to do so, putting pressure upon him and forcing him to do the stupidest of things known to mankind. Dean, who felt like he was worthless, always downing his worries in alcohol, with a fake smile upon his face on the rare occasions he did smile. Hiding all the pain, the loss beneath his skin, trying to shelter it away from everyone, so he wouldn't seem so weak. 

_Dean, tough on the outside but broken inside._

_Dean, who's last hope ever was Cas, who was not currently here. Dean was certain Cas was never coming back now, he'd be here if he was._

He had begun to look up, while reaching for the gun, uncertain whether he was going to direct it at himself, or the thing in front of him, yet almost certain it would not harm the creature in any way.

The thing in front of him, resembling his mother must have noticed what Dean was about to do, so she shoved the chair next to herself aside, bracing herself for what she was about to do.

She smirked and rushed forward, pushing Dean onto the sofa, not even giving him time to take in what was happening, or going to happen, as she placed her lips firmly into his.

 

It felt good, Cas had not done this in a while to Dean, or as a matter of fact, anyone. Her tongue slid into his mouth, tasting every inch of him.

Dean made a groaning sound, which Cas assumed was just a groan of pleasure. But was Cas did not know, was that Dean had attempted to say 'Mom...' but was broken off by Castiel's tongue slipping in all the corners of his mouth.

Dean tried to break free, but that made Cas push him down harder, desperate for this, as it had not happened in so long. She bit down gently on Dean's lip, careful not to hurt him.

Cas realized something was terribly wrong when she noticed Dean wasn't kissing back. In fact, he didn't even look like he was moving at all. But then, Cas thought, you wouldn't be doing anything if a random chick broke into your bunker and just starting kissing the hell out of you.

_It's time._

Cas pulled away, still on top of Dean, and gazing into those beautiful apple green eyes she had longed to see for so long.

"Dean." She whispered into his ear, feeling the shiver run down Dean's spine.

"Dean, it's me." Still, Dean said nothing, just stared into Castiel's eyes, genuinely not moving, but his heart rate speeding up.

_I'll have to ellaborate further._

" _Dean,_ It's me, Cas." Castiel began, "My vessel, I changed." Cas paused, choosing her next words carefully, but broken off from her trail of thoughts by Dean, clearing his throat, trying to get the other's attention.

"What the  _actual fuck?_ " Dean spat out, not trusting himself to speak, afraid of what he might do.

"Look, I will explain later. Please will you allow me to perpetuate our intercourse, which has not thoroughly been launched into yet." Castiel spoke calmly, yet eager to touch what must be touched in this situation, stretch her fingers across Dean's whole body, not missing an inch. She grabbed hold of the bottom of his v-neck and scrunched it up in her hands, advancing to discard the use of the t-shirt, throwing it a distance. Cas stared at his beautifully toned stomach, the muscles, she sighed deeply as she ran her fingers across his six-pack, closing her eyes and taking it all in, never wanting to stop. Her eyes fluttered open, ready to get back to what she was doing.

"Cas, stop! I know who this is-" But Cas was clearly not listening, and had begun to lift her top over her head, then proceeding to remove her trousers, and hurl them across the room, revealing white lacy underwear, which Dean had to swallow hard, trying to rid his head of any dirty thoughts, as this was his mother that was leaning over him. Dean's eyes drifted over her body, and he blinked many times at her toned stomach, fingers itching to touch the curve of her hips. Dean attempted to look at her face, catching a glimpse of her breasts, amazed by them, for he had not seen a woman's body almost naked in such a long while. 

As he looked into Castiel's now blue/grey eyes, he noticed the spark of life creep into them, and Cas noticed that Dean was amazed by this vessel. Maybe Cas should keep it? Maybe Dean appreciated a woman, or maybe he wasn't used to it. Either way, Castiel was not going to regret what she was about to do.

Dean peered down from the gaze of Cas/His mom's eyes to find a smooth hand gripping his zipper, and lips were suddenly afloat his mouth, violent, yet cautious. 

 _Mary,_ Dean couldn't help but admit,  _Was actually hot at such a young age._  

Dean's eyes widened at the thought of it, and finding himself surprisingly kissing her back.

 _Shit_ , he thought, trying to pull away, but a hand gripped his jeans tight, sliding them down, below his knees. 

Dean knowingly gulped as his jeans sliding off of his feet, and his mind blanked before he could realize what was going to happen next.

He could barely move, or breathe, not helped by the fact that Cas was insanely attacking him with her lips.

As Dean flushed in shock, their lips parted, Dean sighing in relief, still astounded at what was happening. 

Cas planted a kiss along every inch of his collarbone, whilst tugging at his underwear.

Dean tried to speak, tell Cas to stop, it was all wrong, everything was wrong about this. This couldn't happen, not with his own mother, not with a girl. He wanted Castiel to have his original vessel back, the one Dean cared for, admired,  _loved._ Dean didn't want any of this, no matter how attractive he found his mom right here, right now. He forced himself to speak, but he couldn't. It just seemed simply impossible. It all traumatized him, he literally felt like he was going to throw up, but his body was stiff, there was no way that could happen, he would not be lasagne.

A deep moan came from Dean's mouth, but Cas placed a finger on top of his mouth, " _Ssssh..."_

She stripped off Dean's underwear, eyeing it up and nodding, before slipping her hand around his cock, letting out a long breath, her eyes closing, drifting her off to her own world, as Dean felt like he was pinned down, felt like every muscle in his body had rebelled against him, forcing him to be unable to move, while what seemed as his mom gripped his cock and was running her fingers along it, feeling it all, like she couldn't get enough of it.

Cas shifted her body, her mouth edging closer to Dean's cock, closer,  _closer._

All of her senses left her body as she gulped down a deep breath and her tongue slid over his cock, ready to slip in, but she waited for Dean to say he was ready, ready to ride the rollercoaster of exploring the depths of your lover, all at their command, the rollercoaster that only goes up.

She peered at Dean, expecting, well, hoping that he would give his permission, that he would nod eagerly, desperate to begin. But Cas found Dean staring, and not moving.  Cas suspected for a second that he may have even been dead. What would snap him out of this trance? 

His hand brushed down across his cock and then it slapped down harder, Dean gasped loudly, but then was threatened back down by the invisible straps.

Castiel was sweating at how desperate she was, so she immediately continued, pulling open the head of his cock, and slipping her tongue inside, tasting it all. Her mouth came down and she made a soft humming sound, sending electrifying waves of shock down Dean's spine, and a shiver through Cas, a pleasant shiver, and she became aroused. 

"Let me pleasure you, let me feel you, let me give you the best fellatio you've ever experienced," Castiel whispered against his cock.

Cas sucked, oh yeah, she sucked like a pro, up and down his shaft, concentrated on pleasing Dean as best as she could. Speeding up, she thrust her tongue in further, gently caressing his testicles. Dean let out a feeble groan, making Cas unsure whether she was doing it according to plan. It was particularly difficult to perform on Dean, for he wasn't exactly doing anything, mainly because of shock, but also, his penis was on the larger side. Castiel withdrew her tongue for a moment, kissing his thigh, and realized what would make him hers; a long lick of the perineum. Oh yeah, Cas had kept the memories of when Dean had done it to Cas, when she was in the vessel of Jimmy. It felt luxurious, mind-blowing.

She rolled off the couch, pulling Dean down with her, too busy focusing on the perfect lick to notice Dean's attempt to slide away.

"Gonna make you come, Gonna make you come so good," she breathed in between tonguing his cock. 

She thrust her tongue in further, further than ever before, finding the prostate gland and continuously thrust her tongue over it, Dean sighing, while knowing he really should be trying to get Cas to stop, for she did not know that to Dean, it seemed like his mom was arousing him.

Cas became frantic, she needed to make Dean come, into her mouth, and let her swallow it all down, with no regrets, for Castiel found it most interesting how some humans indulged of this during intercourse.

 

Castiel jumped back a little and accidentally bit down a little on Dean's cock, causing him to wince in pain, when screams found their way from the other side of the room.

 _SHIT_ , Cas had totally forgotten about Dean's brother, Sammy, because she was so involved for doing everything perfect for Dean, proving their love.

She realized it must look like Dean had brought someone home from a one night stand, but then Sam did know about everything (not quite everything) about their profound bond, and how Dean would never bring someone else home when he was in a flirtation with Dean, okay, it was more than that, it was a love affair. 

Cas awkwardly stood up and chucked a pillow feebly over to Dean so he could cover himself for a moment.

Before she knew it, holy water was squirted into her face, followed by salt and a sliver knife was slashed across her wrist. This made Cas cry out in pain, for she was a human and it now affected her. She automatically stared at the blood dripping from her wrist onto the carpet.

Sam's bitchface grew onto his face, like a contagious disease that always affected him when he was pissed off, and he spoke in a forceful tone, "Dean, what the hell do you think you are doing-" he swallowed hard, eyes narrowing, making sure he wasn't having hallucinations, "with our  _mother_?"

Cas stared wide-eyed at Dean, waiting for an explanation. 

_Why didn't he say?_

Sam's bitchface grew wider, as if it was threatening to rip apart his, and everyone else's face, " _Well?_ " 

Sam looked from Dean, naked, yet the pillow was hiding what Sam would rather not see, to his mom, as he had no idea it was Cas, who was awkwardly leaning against the couch, in lacy underwear. Sam, unlike Dean, didn't find any interest in her body whatsoever.

Cas shifted to grab her clothes, slipping them on, completely aware that Sam and Dean were both staring at her with completely different expressions on either of their perfect faces.

"Uh. I assume you are awaiting a thorough explanation." Cas implied.

Sam just rolled his eyes, still confused why his mom was in the room when she was long dead.

Dean was still spread out on the floor, shaking from nerves, lips quivering, tears threatening to spill.

 

Sam and Dean were sat on a couch, Sam wearing  _only two layers of clothing, how scandalous,_ for his love for plaid had taken over, he was wearing a red plaid shirt, unbuttoned, over another plaid shirt, which was buttoned.  **Plaid on Plaid?**  Dean thought, outraged,  **Trust Sammy to do that.**   **Now he just needs some plaid shoes, a plaid beanie, oh, and plaid underwear.** Dean, however was only wearing a pair of jeans, no top. This made Cas lick her lips a little, blushing as she did so. Castiel, who was perched on the couch opposite to the two brothers, wore the same clothes as she was previously wearing, a red vest top and jeans. She felt them rather comfortable.

"Although, you, Dean, know who I am, would you both like me to apprise who I am, and what has happened?" Cas asked, to break the silence, the uncomfortable kind of silence she always dreaded, because it put pressure on her.

Sam straightened his back, "Oh, I think we  _both_ know  _very well_ who you are, son of a bitch. You're a demon, a liar, a-" But Dean interrupted him, "Sam, shut up. You don't know the half of it, well, neither do I." It seemed to Cas like their personalities had swapped in this situation, but, of course, it was nothing. Sam was just confused and upset, rather out of place.

"Am I permitted to continue?" Cas resumed.

"Yes, baby," Dean began but corrected himself when Cas looked away, offended, "Jesus Christ, Cas, I didn't mean you were a baby!" Dean had noticed that Sam's eyes had widened so far that they looked like they were literally about to pop out of his head. Then Dean continued, "It's an expression of love."

"Oh. I understand."

Cas paused, taking a deep breath, clearly nervous.

All the next words came out of Cas in a ramble, "I found out Dean wanted a blowjob, and I wanted to give it to him in a woman's vessel which I was currently not in at the time, so I looked for a vessel with the same surname so it looked like we were married, so our profound bond would mean something else, and I found someone but they died many years ago. This inspired me to travel back in time to find the vessel I was after, named 'Mary Winchester', but I was foolish enough to not look into her, meaning I did not know that she was your mother. So I discarded of my old vessel, for later use, telling him I'd be back soon, which, when I travel back in time again, I will be back soon for him, yet not for me, and now, here I am in your mother's vessel, My apologies, I did not hear Dean try to explain that I am currently in the vessel of her."

Sam and Dean both blinked hard and shifted, trying to make sense of it all, when Dean raised a finger and spoke, "You haven't explained everything yet, Cas. Why couldn't you zap yourself here, eh?"

"Ah, my sincere apologies." Cas began to explain, "I was attacked." She paused to see the looks of horror on their faces, the dismay. "Metatron. He located me while I was in Lawrence, in 1972, and he ambushed me, but not before I demanded he bring me back to this year. He took my grace, Dean, He stole what meant most to me, except you, he did not dare take you." Castiel looked down to her feet, regretting what she was about to say, "I do not know what to do now. I do not know where he took off to, I cannot fly, I have no powers, I cannot heal, I cannot _save_ , I may have to stay in your mother's vessel, I am regretful. I may need your guidance, Dean, Sam."

Sam and Dean both looked to each other, their eyes lost, with no signs of hope, back to Cas, who was attempting to stay strong, for Dean. She did not want Dean to see her cry, she didn't want Dean to see the hopeless side of her, the broken side, but she was failing, and tears were filling her eyes.

They sat in complete silence, the only sounds coming very quietly, that you had to strain your ears to hear, from Cas, the almost silent weeps, until Dean jumped up, "I need a shower."


	4. Dean, There's Something Wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas thinks something is wrong with her, Sam gets stressed...

The hot water trickled against his skin, as he rubbed his hands over his forehead, ridding his hair of any shampoo left, his eyes shut. 

Dean wished he could get rid of any thoughts, that he could stay in this spot forever, not worrying about a thing, but Cas was on his mind, and he would not get out, because Cas always came before Dean, didn't he? No one hated Dean more than himself, and he tries to put his worries last, always have Castiel's problems before his, for Cas was his angel,  _his precious little angel that must be protected._

Once Dean was convinced that all soap and shampoo was removed from his body, he opened his eyes, switching the water off, but his foot slipped and he almost fell over when he noticed someone staring through the glass of the shower, and gripped tight onto a handle on his right, steadying himself, completely aware where Castiel's eyes were, it took him a second to realize it was Cas, and not his mother. Dean looked down, to the same place Cas was staring, his cock, and they both withdrew their gazes from it, to meet each other's eyes.

"Personal space?" Dean breathed out, opening the glass door to step out.

"But- I was not- You were in there and I was out here, on the other side of the glass. Is that not enough space?" Cas replied, while Dean wrapped his towel around his lower body, flushed to his face.

"Any particular reason you decided to come in here now?" Dean sighed, hoping Cas would get the fuck out of the bathroom, as he wasn't in the mood for this right now.

"Yes." Cas said, looking to her feet, one foot rubbing across the other.

"Talk to me." Dean figured he had to be sympathetic towards Cas because he was going through a tough time, and they were technically a couple.

"I have reason to believe I am dying." Cas sighed, painfully.

Dean reached out to Castiel's face, lifting his chin to meet their eyes again, "You're what?"

"Dying, Dean. I believe I am dying." As Cas admitted this, Dean's mouth gaped open, in shock.

"Can you... explain further?"

"Okay." Castiel's eyes shifted a little, then gazed back into Dean's, dead serious, "I believe that, as a human, my loss of grace is killing me. I've noticed some... changes."

Dean allowed himself to let go of a breath he didn't realize he was holding, before saying, " _What changes?_ "

Cas pulled Dean into a hug, squeezing him just a little too tight, but Dean didn't mind, if Cas really was dieing. A tear slipped out of Dean's eye, Cas couldn't die. He wouldn't die. Not now, not ever,  _no._

"Take a long look." Cas whispered in Dean's ear, before parting. She slipped off her Jeans and showed Dean the inside of her briefs, which were stained with blood.

Dean couldn't help but snort with laughter, earning and angry glance from Cas.

"This isn't funny, Dean." Cas said in her defence.

"If you say so," Dean practically sang.

" _Dean,_  stop. I think Metatron did something to me." Castiel stubbornly explained, "Though he may be an angel, I suspect that Metatron has allied with hell."

Dean was still giggling into his hand, while he spoke, "What- why do you believe this?"

"It seems as though Lucifer's waterfall is breaking free of my ass."

Dean chortled and felt like he couldn't breathe for a moment, slapping his thigh while Cas folded her arms across her chest, in disbelief at Dean's behaviour, shouldn't he be concerned for Cas?

When Dean's laughter came to a halt, he looked up at Cas, only to crack up again. He literally could not look at Cas, so he had to gather his clothes in his arms, and walk out of the bathroom, still chuckling to himself. 

Sam stopped whatever he was doing, to look at Dean, who was strolling across the room, naked, except for the towel wrapped around him, giggling. Sam's nose twitched, wondering what the hell had just happened between Dean and Cas, but turning away awkwardly.

 

It had been a few days, and Dean was getting fed up of having Cas, as his mother, lurking about the house all day long. 

Dean had gone very far to explain to Cas that she was not dying, which included getting a 20 slide PowerPoint on women. During the explanations that he had to inform Cas about, were very uncomfortable for Dean, who then had to go out to provide her with pads, and when Cas began complaining, Dean had gone very red and had to take a long walk to clear his mind, and cool himself down, because teaching all this stuff to what looks like your mother isn't that much of a pleasant experience.

Every time Dean saw Cas, his heart stopped for a brief second,  _every single time_. Unluckily for Dean, Cas enjoyed seeing him freaked out, because it's not something you see often in a hunter.

Sam had been sat at his laptop for twelve hours straight, researching any sight of this 'Marv'. There had been a sighting of him in Miami, at a club, god knows what he was doing there, but Sam figured by the time they reached there, he'd be gone. And so, he'd been researching anyone who he'd been spotted with and where they would be heading, waiting to see if Metatron/Marv would travel with them. So far, he'd had not much luck at all, but he was currently looking into someone that Metatron had previously spoken to, just the night before, searching for contact details. 

Dean looked up from the television, holding a beer, over to Sam. Sam, who's hair was usually flowing and perfect, yet his hair was currently tangled, and his scruff had gone wild. Dean actually thought the look suited him quite well, it resembled his inner moose. What stood out a lot to Dean was the bags under his eyes, and he was clearly hassled, as he was practically attacking the keyboard, full moose-power, with his fingers. 

Dean narrowed his eyes sadly, as Sam looked up, aware that he was being watched.

Sam spread out his hands, eyes widening, " _What?_ "

Dean smirked, "You're gonna break the goddamn computer, Sammy."

Sam's face scrunched up, and he continued to bang at the keys forcefully. Dean had never seen him so pissed off about anything, especially when Sam leaned back in the chair and he charged at the edge of the computer with his head, literally like a moose, keeping his bitchface the whole time. The edge of the computer split open a little, Sam swearing under his breath.

" _Literally_ ," Dean laughed.

Sam just shook his head and stormed out of the room, knocking Cas a little while she was walking into the room.

Dean jumped at the sight of Cas, as per usual, then calmed with deep breaths, while Cas examined the computer, frowning.

"Was this Sam?" She sighed.

"Mmhmm." Dean replied, taking a sip of his beer.

"When will anyone learn that everything has feelings," Cas sighed, stroking the computer once, "I'm sorry."

Dean raised his eyebrows, because it came through to him as if his mom was caressing a laptop.

"I didn't ever want this to happen," Cas looked genuinely upset, "I can't fix you."

Dean jumped up to his feet, stomped over to Cas, slamming his fist down on the table, " _Dammit Cas, we can fix this!_ "

Cas stopped stroking the laptop for a second to look up at Dean, "No, Dean, it is highly dangerous," Cas looked down at the laptop again, biting her lip, and continued talking to the laptop, "After everything we have been through..."

Dean scrunched his face up, "Cas, will you quit it?"

Cas' lips parted and she seemed offended, "Dean, I do not understand, are you not concerned about the excruciating pain it is going through?"

Sam walked back into the room, holding a dripping, cold, wet flannel to his forehead, as Dean replied, "Are you serious?"

"Dude, No, he's Severus," Sam grunted.

Dean rolled his eyes, "Oh, go you, Dumbledork."

Sam was about to reply, but his attention was turned elsewhere, to the former angel weeping silently over the laptop. A weeping angel. Sam smirked as he thought not to blink.

Sam learned closer to Dean, and whispered, "Is she -uh- okay?"

"Cas? Yeah, he's -wait, no- she's just... emotionally damaged over the laptop...?" Dean shrugged.

Sam looked genuinely concerned, "What the fuck? You, and now her? What, are you passing on the insane during intercourse?" Sam winced at the last word, his memories of Jess and Madison flooding back to him, how he believed it was all his fault.

Dean frowned. "Dude, not cool."

Sam wandered over to Cas, Dean following. 

"Cas," Dean began, reaching out to her shoulder, "We  _can_ fix this, okay?"

" _Dean._ " Cas looked up at Dean, with her tear streaked face, "Can you comfort this laptop while I search for tape?"

Dean chuckled a little, then realising that Cas was serious, "Uhh, sure."

 

Cas returned, holding the tape in one hand, to see Dean touching the laptop gently, just for Cas. Sam was next to him, giggling his ass off, flannel dripping, Cas shot him a stubborn look, which just made him laugh harder.

"I am sincerely thankful for that, Dean. I am sure the laptop is, too." Cas thanked Dean, who stepped aside, for Cas. She ripped some tape off, and proceeded to tape the split back together.

"It is fixed. I feel as though my heart has been taped back together, also." Spoke Cas, who smiled to Dean. She moved forward to plant a kiss on Dean's cheek, but thought twice, and didn't, as she thought Dean would not appreciate someone in his mother's vessel relentlessly flirting with him.

 

Sam had been awake for now 2 days, practically screaming at the laptop, he was in the shittiest mood he had been in years, and Dean was beginning to think he could become a demon if he got any angrier. Dean was fairly relaxed, just downing everything in alcohol, but he still jumped everytime he saw Cas, he was still not used to it. It was fairly impossible to avoid Cas a lot, because, as far as Dean knew, her loss of grace was affecting her mentally, she was - different - like she was high on drugs most of the time, booping people's noses, obsessed with board games, and crying over the littlest of things.

It was not until Sam hurled a couple of beer bottles out the window, across the room, one almost hitting Cas, who was sat in a corner, rocking a little, leaving broken glass everywhere, that Dean figured Sam could not continue like this, he had to stop. 

" _JESUS FUCKING CHRIST_ ," Dean shouted, snapping Cas back into this universe for a second while he replied with, "Last time that I contemplated, Jesus Christ was one man, so I believe a man can not please himself like that." This caused a roll of the eyes from Dean, and Cas continued to rock.

Sam breathed in and out heavily, his shoulders tense.

Then it hit Dean.

He jumped up and walked over to Sam, telling him to shut up with the heavy breathing and swearing. Sam just glared at Dean.

" _ALRIGHT, YOU SONS OF BITCHES, LISTEN UP, YOU BETTER HAVE YOUR EARS ON,_ " he began, and Sam nodded in approval, yet clearly sleep deprived, and he continued, " _WE NEED YOU, CASTIEL NEEDS YOU. Look, I understand you may have many reasons you will not help, but one of you must have the heart to guide us,_ " he paused, searching for the words, " _Cas has been driven insane, because of one of your angels, Metatron. Yes, the douchebag. His grace is gone, and we need you, we need your help, to find him, to search for Castiel's grace. PLEASE._ " Dean took a deep breath, " _I love him. Please..._ "

Sam shrugged, it was the best they could do for now.

"Sammy, why don't you rest." 

"Uh- yeah, good idea." Sam tried to stand up, but was overcome by dizziness, and collapsed to the ground, sound asleep. 

"Well, shit. Do we leave him?" Dean asked Cas, " _Cas?_ "

"Mmm..." She grumbled.

"Okay, maybe not. Help me lift him onto the couch."

Dean grabbed Sam by the shoulders, attempting to lift Sam himself, as Cas hadn't moved, but the moose was, well, moose sized, and Dean needed some help.

"Son of a bitch. Cas. C'mon." Dean moaned.

"Huh?" Cas looked up, "Oh, right."

She forced herself to get up, and grabbed Sam's legs in her hands, and they both struggled to lift him up on the couch.

"I could just-"

"No, Cas. Let me-"

"No, but Dean, what if I let go and-"

"Cas, don't,  _CAS!_ " 

Cas had let go of Sam's legs and stumbled backwards, onto a shard of glass, " _Shit._ "

Dean's eyes opened wider, had the angel of the lord just- never mind.

"Cas, we can worry about that after, just- help." Dean sighed, along with Cas, who winced as he trod over to Dean, lifting Sam's legs back up.

"Oh my god." Dean spat out through his teeth, Cas narrowing his eyes.

"Dean, please do not-"

"Cas, concentrate! Oh, fuck."

One of Dean's hands had slipped, causing him to whack Sam's head.

"Oh my father." Cas moaned as they lifted him onto the couch. Dean raised one eyebrow.

"Cas, we should get your foot cleaned up."

 

Dean and Cas stepped outside, into the blinding sun.

"Hannah?" Cas looked startled.

"Yes, Castiel, it's me." Hannah replied, "You have... changed."

"Hannah?" Dean questioned.

"You remember her, right, Dean?" Cas said to Dean.

"Uh... oh, yeah." Dean turned back to the angel, Hannah, "You heard?"

"Of course, and I came because I have experienced the love you two have, remember when you gave away everything, just to save this one human? That is an act pure out of love, and no one could ever deny it. I'm proud of you two, no matter what the other angels say." She smiled, and her whole face brightened.

Dean and Cas both looked to their feet, blushing.

"Just look at you two, I wish I could find love as profound as yours." 

Dean searched his mind thoroughly for replies, but nothing came. So he just stuck with the original plan, "So, have you located him?"

"Who? Metatron?" She questioned.

"No, I'm sorry, didn't I make it clear, I was looking for the pie fairy."

She professionally rolled her eyes, and Cas turned to Dean, "A pie fairy? I was not informed about this topic."

"What the hell Cas?" Dean spat, Cas looking away, in embarrassment and hurt. 

Hannah crossed her arms, and continued, "I overheard my fellow angels speaking-"

" _Dean,_ I am inclined to sit down, my foot is not fully healed." Cas whined, but Hannah was already at it, "Here, let me fix you." And she pressed two fingers to Castiel's forehead, who was trying to dismiss the offer, but Hannah had clearly put her mind to it, and before she knew, her foot had healed.

"Oh- uh thank you." Cas mumbled.

"Can I continue?" Hannah said grumpily. 

Dean breathed out a mmm. 

"So, I told you I heard them speaking, but I have not told you what about. So, it is confirmed that Metatron is heading towards Denver, Colorado, and he will be there for around a week, yet I am not completely sure what he is doing, I have no information on that yet." She explained, eager to tell them everything.

"Colorado?" Cas thought out loud.

"Denver? Isn't that a uh- pretty big city?" Dean asked, shocked.

"Yes."

"Don't you... have any... idea where in Denver?"

"Yes, oh- yes! Sorry," she snapped back into reality, "Somewhere along Clarkson Street. Good luck!" And with that, before Dean could ask her anything else, she was gone.

" _FUCKING SON OF A BITCH._ " Dean screamed into the air. 

" _Dean._ "

" _What?!_ "

Cas stuck out her bottom lip and her eyes grew wider.

"Nope, nope, not the eyes, not the puppy eyes- fuck, that's cute." Dean laughed.

Cas giggled, and said, "Dean, when do we leave?"

Dean thought about this for a second, eagerly wanting to leave right then, but he knew that Sammy was still asleep, as he had only been sleeping for a bit over an hour, and he really needed to rest after the stress he put himself through, trying to help, like he always did, though letting many people down sometimes, but of course, Dean always forgave him, because, well, he's Sammy, and Dean's job is to protect him. "When Sammy wakes up, Cas."

"Also, do we have any cookies?" She questioned.

"Uh, yeah, actually we do. Chocolate ones on the counter in the kitchen."

Cas frowned, "But... what about rainbow cookies?"

Dean raised an eyebrow, "Rainbow cookies?"

She nodded.

"What the fuck?"

She nodded again, and Dean had to work his mind around this, "What?"

"Rainbow cookies, Dean. To us, everything we've been through."

Dean shook his head gently, as to inform Cas that he still couldn't take in what she was saying.

"Eat the rainbow, love the rainbow,  _become the rainbow!!!!_ " Cas giggled, and Dean realized she was talking about them two together, before she changed her vessel and lost her grace, but she was saying it in her insane state of mind. Dean sighed, and went along with it, "Fine, let's get us some rainbow cookies."

 

Dean closed the door behind him, holding a shopping bag in his hand. Cas was ahead, eating her cookie, and she spoke through a mouth-full of cookie, "Mmm, these are good." She walked over to Dean and put the half eaten cookie in front of his face, "I observe, hmm,  _NO DIFFERENCE HERE._ "

"Cas, shut up, Sammy's sleeping." Dean groaned.

"SORRY SAMMY!" Cas yelled. Luckily, Sam did not wake, he just continued snoring quietly.

Dean glared at Cas, who shifted uncomfortably, taking another bite out of her cookie.

 

Sam opened his eyes, blinking to get his eyes focused. 

He was on the couch. 

_How did I get here? What happened? I don't even remember falling asleep._

He peered around the room, and smiling at Dean and Cas, who were snuggled up together under a blanket, asleep, Cas' head on Dean's shoulder. Sam had got used to Cas in Mary's vessel, but still found it strange at times.

He wondered how long he had been asleep for, as his legs were stiff, so he stood up and stretched a little, before realizing that he still needed to continue working on the Metatron case.

He opened the laptop, causing it to beep, as it was low on battery.

 _Shit_ , he breathed out, as he scraped the chair across the floor, making the worst scraping noise he could possibly imagine.

Dean grunted and said quietly, "Shut it, Sam." Then realizing, "Sammy!!" Dean jumped up, causing Cas to fall flat out on the sofa, moaning.

"Oops, sorry, Cassy."

"Ugh, Cassy?" She spat out.

"Mmhmm, Cassy."

"Cas is perfectly fine, Dean."

Dean practically skipped over to Sam, pulling him in for a hug, Sam overpowering the hug with his height. Dean's eyes looked to the laptop, and he muttered to Sam's left ear, "We know where he is."

Sam pulled away, "What are we waiting for then?"

Dean smirked. "You."


	5. C'mon Metatron

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The search...

Dean turned on the stereo in his black 1967 Chevy Impala. Honestly, he didn't know what he'd do without it.

Bon Jovi blared out of the speakers, Dean tapping along to it, while driving along the quiet road, Sam complaining, and Cas, sitting in the back, who wasn't saying a word, just eating a packet of skittles, which she demanded they stopped to get, just so she could taste the freakin' rainbow again. She offered Dean a skittle, who rejected the offer, but when Sam asked if he could have one, she refused to give him one.

"No, Sam, these are for me and Dean." She demanded.

"But Dean clearly doesn't want any!" Sam moaned.

"But they are still mine and Dean's."

"Dean, this is not fair, Cas will not give me any skittles."

"Shut the hell up, you two! You're acting like little children, and I guess it's always me who has to be the daddy here, doesn't it. Now, Sam, let Cas eat our skittles, I bought them for him, not you." Dean yelled.

Sam turned to the window, muttering to himself, "I just wanted a skittle, Jesus Christ."

Cas clearly heard this and began complaining again, "I do not get it, why are you two always calling me Jesus, I am not Jesus, and I have even confirmed it with Christ himself! Do I look like Jesus? Oh father, I hope not."

Sam ignored this, but Dean taught her how it was just a phrase they used sometimes, and they do not mean that she is Jesus, because clearly, she is not.

 

Sam's curiosity overcame him, "Dean, how long was I asleep for?"

"I honestly don't recall you sleeping on this journey so far...?" 

"No, I mean earlier. In the bunker."

"Oh, right. It was around- what, Cas?" Cas had poked him hard, and she did it again, saying "Boop."

Dean concentrated on the road, shaking his head.

"Dean?" Sam annoyingly said.

"What? Oh, right. Uh, what was it?" 

"Sleep? Time?"

"Oh!" Dean said, clearly remembering the question, "Let's see, um... 5- no. 10- no. 12? No. Uh... somewhere around a day."

"Huh? What?" Sam narrowed his eyes.

"Well, it was late morning then, and... It's early afternoon now . Any bells ringing?"

"Bells?  _Bells?_ " He shook his head, "Got any food?"

"Cas, any cookies left?" Dean called to the back, Cas grumbling out a no.

"Then no. Sorry, Sammy."

He sighed, then turned back to the window.

 

"CAS! LET GO!"

The car swerved to the left, then right, Sam knocking his head against the window.

Cas had reached forward, and gripped tightly onto the steering wheel. Dean doubted she had ever driven a car in her life, and could probably get them killed.

" _CAS!_ " Dean yelled as they narrowly avoided crashing into a nearby car, which then honked it's horn.

"Dude, get off!" Sam punched Castiel's arm, hoping that would loosen her grip, yet it didn't.

Cas chuckled, turning the wheel, sending the car sharply to the right, almost crashing into a tree, which made her laugh harder than before.

"GET THE FUCK OFF THE WHEEL!" 

"CAS!"

Sam grabbed Cas' right arm and managed to yank it off the wheel, but she was still going strong with the other arm.

"CAS WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO YOU? C'MON MAN!" Dean shouted in Castiel's face, using all his strength to stop Cas from making them spin around in circles, "Don't make me punch you so hard you get knocked out."

Cas continued trying to turn the wheel with one hand, while Sam was attempting to pull her away. Where did she get all this strength from?

Maybe shouting wouldn't work, there had to be another method. What did she really want? What wouldn't she want taken away?

"Cas, listen to me." Dean began, turning Cas' head around to him, while his eyes were still on the road, "Don't make me take your goddamn skittles away."

Surprisingly, Cas let go of the wheel, and slumped back against the seat in the back, clutching onto her skittles with a scared look on her face. Dean nodded and looked at Sam, who looked genuinely impressed.

 

Dean slammed the Impala's door shut, and glanced to Sam and Cas who were eagerly waiting for him.

"C'mon, it's going to get dark soon." Dean said, glancing to his watch.

**20:03pm**

"Are you sure we are in the right area?" Asked Cas, who had calmed down a lot.

Dean glanced to the road sign which was above, it read  **Clarkson St**. "Yeah, we're good."

"Let's go then, bitches." Sam proposed, trying to hurry them along, but just recieved a blank look from Dean, "What?" he queried.

"Doesn't suit you, bitch." 

"Okay, okay, Jerk."

Dean smiled, "That's better."

Cas trailed along behind them, jumping at the slightest of sounds, like a cat's meow, or someone jogging up behind her.

"C'mon Cas, catch up!" Dean suggested, trying to hurry her along.

Cas grunted, but sped up her pace, to fit in directly inbetween Sam and Dean.

"Okay, Cas, you look straight ahead for any sign of him, Sam, you look to the left, and I will look to the right and behind. Got it?" They both nodded, following Dean's instructions, because they had to find Metatron today. Not tomorrow, not the day after,  _today._

 

" _Deaaaaaan._ " Cas groaned.

" _Whaaaaaat?"_ Dean mimicked, Sam chuckling to himself.

" _My feet ache!_ " 

"Cas, come on. They're fine, trust me." 

 

Dean checked his watch.

**21:38pm**

They had traveled down the road once, and were now wandering back up, still looking out for any signs of Metatron.

Still, nothing.

They strolled past a cathedral, peering inside, to find that it was deserted. The place also made Cas feel uncomfortable, so he began speeding away, causing the Winchesters to jog after him.

"Should we just give up?" Sam suggested, but Dean shook his head, "Look at Cas, Sam. She's not okay, she needs her grace back, we're helping her, we will not give up, not ever. I trust Hannah, with all my heart, don't you?"

Sam just looked Dean directly in the eye and bitterly said, "The reason you're doing this is because you've given up on yourself, so you have to help the one you love, otherwise you'll feel even more dead than you do already."

Dean glared at Sam, mouth drooping as far as it would go. Cas also turned to Sam, yelling, "Fuck you, Sam!" 

Sam realized how harsh that must have sounded, he didn't mean it to come out like that, "Dean-"

Dean began to yell, "No, Sam. Shut up. Just shut the _fuck_ up. I don't care what you have to say, whether true or not. I'm doing it because I care about Cas," Dean took Castiel's arm in his, "How would you even think of saying that, come on, Sam. If that's truly what you believe then..." Dean began to tear up, "Leave. And don't you  _dare_ even think of following us!" A tear spilled out of his eye and he turned to Cas, weak, "Come, Cas." And they strolled off.

Sam just stood there, arms limp by his sides, staring after them, regretting what he said to Dean, was he really that heartless? He watched them until they were only just in sight, then followed them, slowly, and silently.

 

**DING.**

The door to the liquor store flung open, Dean and Cas walking in, side by side.

Dean slammed a $20 onto the counter, and just motioned for the cashier to get whatever. 

Just as the cashier placed a bottle onto the counter, the door opened again, revealing someone, someone tall.

_Sam._

"WHAT DID I TELL YOU?" Dean shouted, at the top of his lungs, causing Cas to whimper a little.

"Dean, I'm so s-"

"NO, SAM. FUCK OFF, I TOLD YOU, I DIDN'T WANT TO SEE YOU."

The cashier backed away, through a door leading to the back of the shop.

"Please just-"

" _Sam._ " Dean said so stubbornly, Cas was convinced he wasn't even human, that he was degenerating back into his demon days, the darkest days, and Sam held his arms up, as if he was surrendering.

"This is important, Dean."

"OH WHAT, ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME YOU'RE DEEPLY SORRY AND IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN, BECAUSE JUST  _HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I HEARD THAT ONE FROM YOU?_ "

Sam stared at Cas, who had his mouth open at Dean, to Dean, who was furious. A few tears flooded out of Sam's eyes, and he let out a weak sob, muttering, "No."

"Stop sobbing, you son of a bitch. I don't want-"

"Dean, you're technically calling yourself a son of a bitch too." Cas interrupted, causing Dean to yell in her ear, "SHUT UP!" And Cas stepped back, towards Sam.

"Dean, please-" Sam whined.

"NO." Dean reached for the bottle of wine on the counter, and smashed the bottle, creating sharp spikes on the end, threatening Sam with it.

" _DEAN._ " Sam shouted.

"I SAID NO." 

Sam whispered something in Cas' ear, and they both screamed as loud as possible, "METATRON!"

Dean snapped out of his anger, and just simply said, "Wait what?"

"I saw him, he's heading this way, I heard him mention the liquor store." Sam explained.

"This doesn't mean I'm not pissed at you two, but c'mon, holy oil!"

"Uh, Dean. You have it. Sam has the lighter." Cas informed Dean.

"Oh, right." Dean pulled a bottle of holy oil out of his sleeve, and created a circle with it.

"Cas, is he coming?" Sam queried.

"Yeah, I would say we have 30 seconds."

"Right, okay. We get behind the counter, Sam, have the lighter ready."

Sam and Dean walked around the counter, while Cas scooted over the counter, and they kneeled down in unison, just as the door opened, and voices were heard, so Sam peered over the top of the counter, making sure not to be seen, and he spotted that Metatron was indeed in the circle, so he nodded to the other two, jumping up and setting the oil alight, trapping Metatron inside the circle. Whoever was with him ran out the door swiftly, so they were not attacked.

Metatron groaned as Dean and Cas jumped to their feet, clearly realizing why they were here, trapping him inside the ring of fire. "Come on, you guys, I was only playing around."

Sam gave Metatron the one and only bitchface, "Oh, sure you were."

Metatron attempted to look innocent, "I was."

"Okay, shut up you son of a bitch, and give Cas her goddamn grace back." Dean shouted.

"Oh, I will." He said, smug.

"Sure." Dean sarcastically spoke.

"I need to be released from the fire, first."

"Oh, you're not going anywhere, bitch."

"I can't give him his grace back if you don't let me out."

Cas turned to Dean, "He has a point, Dean."

"Alright, Sammy, let him out! But first, show us the grace."

Metatron grabbed a small tube of blue/white angel grace and Cas nodded, chucking Sam, who was standing by the door, some water to put out the fire.

"Shit! Grab him, Sam!" Dean yelled, and Sam only just grabbed for his coat in time, before he could get away, and wrestled him to the ground, Sam on top, "Got you, bitch, now gimme."

Metatron swore, giving Sam the tube, who then stood up, leaving Metatron laying there.

"See you, dicks." Metatron waved goodbye and flew off.

 

 

 

 

Dean paced the bunker, waiting for Cas, hoping he was alright. He had forgiven them both for the events of the day before, now that Cas had her grace back. Then again, Dean almost always forgave, unless you were basically a dick.

"Cas will be alright." Sam kept reassuring him, over and over again, but Dean didn't particularly believe him, especially after last time, about a week ago, when Cas returned most certainly not okay.

Dean paced to one end of the kitchen, and turned around, expecting to continue but was greeted by a pair of soft lips. At first, he thought  _What the fuck, Sam?_  But realized; Cas. Cas was here, and Dean gasped, releasing himself from the pleasure of Castiel's mouth.  _  
_

Castiel was back, his Castiel, the one he loved and adored, the one whom he couldn't ever get enough of.

Dean breathed against Castiel's left ear,  _"I missed you so so much, baby,"_ Cas replying into Dean's ear,  _"I know you did. Mary does not remember anything."_

He was himself again, sane.

Dean pulled Cas back into a deep kiss, and they both smiled into it.

"Dean," Cas said, pulling away, "Why don't we get to that blowjob?"

Cas ripped off his pants, Dean licking his lips in desperation, and he followed, ripping off his. 

Dean called to the lounge, smirking, "Sammy, we'll be in my room!"

 

They both tippled onto the bed, Dean rearing to go.

"Show me what you got."


End file.
